★sphanx's Darkness Zone☆

如果你真的要消失，

至少让我知道你会这么做。

我不会想问你的理由和去处。

那是你的自由。

只是有时候，我在想，

如果一个人真的想消失，

一定很需要一番很彻底的让自己消失的理由。

我有这样的理由。

难道你也真的有？

算了……大家一起消失吧。

消失是件好事。

如果消失是用来忘却或是开始新生命……

但至少像我这样，让大家知道。

我想彻底消失了~~~~

          I am now sitting in front of the computer, wondering whether it’s a good luck or a bad luck for me. It’s no doubt that all these days from the day my grandma left me, it seems that things being changed, even worse. The heavy wind is continuing shouting, the wave became abnormal, and the weather, murky with all day’s rain. What can I say? It really pricks up the bad feeling and the sadness from the incident of my grandma’s departure.

          And then, I broke my best sport suit, then, I began sleepless again, then, the cold is repeating better and worse, then, the worst thing happened, I hurt my knee, given by the big wind, by the inexperience of handling a sailing boat in such a big wind, in such a make-or-break moment…

         But it still can be said that I am lucky, because due to this accident, I now can have a short time of good rest, maybe I can completely cure my cold during this period, and I also get much concern from my team member, as well as from the friends beyond me. One more thing, after treating by X-ray, the injure on my knee is not so terrible as I thought, it may recover in a short time. At least I needn’t worry too much.

          So when I asked myself if I was lucky or unlucky, I always told myself that things are relative, in Chinese idiom, there is a phrase called a loss may turn out to be a gain. I love this idiom because I am surely the guy who always gains something after losing something. Though it’s not always so obvious, but still I can say that what I gained is more than what I lost. Though I cannot tell what I’ve got from these days’ bad luck, I still believe there would be some reason.

Because I believe that all these things I’ve been experiencing during these days are given by my grandma in heaven, she must want to tell me something, maybe how to become more strong, maybe how to face difficulties, maybe how to control my emotion. Everything has its own meaning, everything has its own reason, what I need to do is waiting, waiting for the right time to uncover every truth.

          So now I am in peace. Even if tomorrow would be much worse, I would never have complained anything. Even if the sky falls, I would have believed that everything is reasonable. Even if there would be no hope for me, I still have your soul, my grandparent! I would never let you down, and I believe that you will always bless your grandson, don’t you?

I miss u so much! My grandparents!